


what it means to be missing you

by deletable_bird



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Drabble and a Half, F/M, Loneliness, The Doctor on His Own
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 15:48:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4966909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deletable_bird/pseuds/deletable_bird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>He’s missed her ever since the Time War, since before he knew her. He’s missed what he’d never had, missed the stability and wild energy that only she could carry. He’s missed what keeps him going, what keeps him ticking like a clock with springs so tight they’re as fine-tuned as a bomb, ready to blow up and obliterate everything in existence.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	what it means to be missing you

He misses her.

He’s missed her ever since the Time War, since before he knew her. He’s missed what he’d never had, missed the stability and wild energy that only she could carry. He’s missed what keeps him going, what keeps him ticking like a clock with springs so tight they’re as fine-tuned as a bomb, ready to blow up and obliterate everything in existence.

And then he found her, and he took her hand, and he couldn’t let her go. And he still misses her.

He misses her every time she looks at her mother and he can see in her eyes how much she wants home, how much she wants the first of him back with her, and he hates himself for not wanting it too.

He misses the thrill of telling her to _run!_ and watching her run, grabbing her hand in the fire of the chase and listening to her stifled, panicked breathing beside him around dark corners, with her hair falling in her face and her chest heaving with fright and exhilaration.

He misses her lips on his, even when she’s not herself. He misses every chance he gets to try again, and he regrets it with a pain that pulls deep inside him every time he sees a girl with blonde hair, a girl with brown eyes, a girl who wears denim or pink or has a smile that makes his hearts skip beats and pound in counterpoint for an infinite moment.

He flies through the stars and he misses her, and he remembers every tender moment he ever had when her hands met his and she laughed her laugh and wrapped him in her arms and spun around because she was so _happy,_ the way a only human could be.

He misses the way she taught him how to be triumphant. He misses the way she taught him to give second chances. He misses her fury and her love and her fire and the way she smelled like home even at the end of the universe.

He sits at the centre of his oldest companion, in places only he’s sat before, and asks why he hurts this way, and blinking lights tell him it’s only human.

“But I’m not human.”

But she taught him how to be, and he misses her.

The Doctor misses Rose, and even a lifetime later he still does, after he learns to love red hair and girls that don’t love him back. He learns how to cry because he was happy, and it was Rose who taught him, and he won’t ever forget it.

In another universe, he’s with her, and that has to be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> dear lord im sorry


End file.
